May 30th, 2007 (08:58 pm)
current mood: satisfied
好多天过去了，我需要时间让混浊不清的情绪沉淀下来。Dance night 对我来说到底是什么？
that day right before morning assembly, i was just standing at my usual spot in central plaza waiting for everyone to get into their lines, when minzhi and vivian literally skipped to me hand in hand, poked me on the cheek and shouted a bright "HI!" before skipping off again. as i followed them into the crowd, kitty emerged among the stream of people passing in front of me, and gave me one of her corny open-mouthed grins and a wave of hand. they probably wouldn't know it, but they truly made my day. that day could've been the day when the song ics handed over to their successors. For the first time in my entire life in hwa chong, i followed the flags slowly rising up the poles as the school song started playing, and actually felt some sense of belonging to this place. my eyes left the flags as they reached the top, and looked up at the blue sky, framed by the two staircases. the same sky that i looked up at as i lay on the red carpet during MAF, during CNY. this patch of blue sky above the central plaza.
how many times did we cross the central plaza, moving back and forth between the auditorium/rua and pe block. for rehearsals, for performances, for dance. i remember crossing it with the radio in our arms after zoutai. i remember looking back as we crossed the centra plaza half way after dance night, and seeing the banner that we still don't bear to take off. vivian took a picture of it with her phone, and the flash lit up the banner momentarily under the dark sky. i'll remember crossing it with regina before arts fest in our bright yellow costumes, to check how far the concert has gone and when we should report. i remember looking up as we crossed it right before arts fest, and pointing out the cresent moon and its accompanying stars to zixin.
maybe, if i ever come back to this place, i'll look up and see this patch of the sky - a connection to all these beautiful memories :)
now back to dance night.
of course, there were the technical screwups. somehow, i'm not as angry over the incident. to me, it was an interesting twist, something extra that we'll remember. the first night it happened on wuminghua, i shouted "Stay!" the minute it happened. some might have heard me, but i would believe most did it because we all knew it was the right thing to do. even so, the reflex to tell my dancers what to do have already become intuitive. The music continued skipping, wuminghua frozen in time on stage. the blackout came after a loong while, and we left the stage in what i would call bewilderment. "are we doing it again?" people started asking. i heard the emcees coming out, the next dance getting ready. probably not. backstage, in the changing room, a hand holding my phone suddenly stuck out from the chaos. it was a call from ms chen, asking if we're doing it again. the offer came a bit too late. in that few seconds, as i drew out the pins from my bun, i thought about everyone that's already changing out of their costumes, i thought about finale, i thought about the intensity that was already broken, and admist everything, the conversation during photoshoot that kept replaying in my mind.
"quick wufan, so what pose are we doing for alilang?"
"why are you asking me!"
"cuz you're the one who can make decisions."
ok fine. i said no. "NO! we're not doing it again" and i knew that that was what's going to happen - that we're not doing it again. i know that if it were up to someone else, a different decision might've been made. "we practised very hard for it ehh." people wanted to do it again.
next day, the same thing happened. this time in the last dance, in the last minute. instead of bewilderment, its disbelief. that this kinda thing can actually happen twice, in two consecutive nights. everyone sort of wandered back stage after the blackout. someone in front of me was beginning to cry and i managed some sort of comfort. "it's ok, we still have arts fest". and THEN i realised, hey! we can do it again this time! i couldn't see a thing in the wings, and just squeezed pass all those unidentifiable forms that i suppose are mad ppl to get to the SM with the walkie, asked PA if we could do it again, yes we can, squeezed pass the mob again and ran across backstage, telling finale ppl to change back, and through another mob in right wing this time, "emcees, where're the emcees!" got hold of yunsong
"tell them we're doing it again"
"what should i say? encore"
i don't know! you are the emcee!! thank goodness meiling appeared. i suppose she figured out and settled the encore thing.
ran back backstage and talked to my dancers gathered there, told them we're doing it again, and make it a good one. its not going to be another wuminghua, cuz we got ourselves a second chance, so treasure it ok! a desperate attempt to get them back into the mood.
then, "kaishi's missing!" the photo montage was ending "Goh kaishi!" no reply. ok, we'll do without her. "Go out now!" and we fumbled out in the dark.
the last run, everyone was tired. some were angry, some were sad, lihong told me she was crying as she danced. every was affected, in one way or another, and i'm really not sure how the dance turned out.
i don't know, its like friday happened to prepare us for saturday. for wuminghua, they said it was due to some scratch in the cd, that just had to surface after all the tech run before the real thing. fine, that's just our luck. but for kangding, its most definitely not. they pressed the wrong button. and when xx was talking about how we should react if the music really were to stop while we were moving, i guess everyone including himself didn't think it was going to happen again. at least not so soon. and after the whole thing, everyone was like 'thank goodness he told us what to do". ah well.
"you should never belittle idiots, cuz despite all their lack of capabilities, there's one thing they're really good at, and that's screwing you up big time." hmm.
星期六晚上的谢幕后，大家在台上闹成一片。李老师上来说的一句话“你们自己的能力很强，我没想到你们会把阿里郎跳成那个样子”让我顿时就哭了出来。我站在那里一直的哭。 身旁的朋友们互相拥抱，一簇簇鲜花在我眼旁晃来晃去，可是我一个人就傻傻的站着， 不停的哭，拼命的哭。
"why are you crying?"
"i don't know!"
"is it happiness? or sadness?"
"its everything!"
没想到 xx 会把‘委屈’这两个字和我放在一起。不过可能真的是吧， 这几个月累积的所有开心的，难过的，快乐的，苦恼的，烦躁的事都随着眼泪流泻了出来。第一次全身心地投入进一件事，毫无保留的付出了。而尽管累过，烦过，我却能说，很高兴自己这么做了。
我为我的舞蹈员们感到好骄傲。这个舞蹈晚会是我们大家一手策划而成的，它因我们的努力而存在。从无到有，这个过程好不容易。从排舞，服装，道具，宣传，票务，彩排，灯光。。。这一切的风风雨雨我们一起经历了，暴风雨后的彩虹我们也一同见证了。我们。短短的两个字，却包含了那么多。
彩虹不会永远地挂在天空上，但就因为它的稍纵即逝，更显它的珍贵。这场晚会，我们会留恋，也会淡忘，可是每时把它拿出来想一想的时候，也是令人享受的一件事。明年三月，当大家又一次聚集在诚毅楼的礼堂时，面对着我曾今跳过的那个舞台，对成绩忐忑不安的紧张心情也许会得到一些缓和。因为它会让我想起我在华初学习以外，最精彩的一段生活。
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